I fell asleep pretty quickly but I spent another restless night. I don’t think I tossed and turned a lot, but my dreams were disturbing. Again, they had that lucid quality that makes them hard to shake. When I woke up in the morning, I felt as if I was carrying them around with me. Bits of the dreams came rushing back to me, filling my groggy brain with details.
Someone was looking for me, for us I think, except we didn’t know who. But everywhere we went, we knew they were there, just out of vision, dogging us. Every time we realized they were close, my stomach would roil and twist. A wave of nausea hit me as soon as I opened my eyes. It was about 6:45 a.m. and it was just starting to become light out.
I lay there in bed trying to breathe deeply in hopes of dispelling my queasy stomach and gradually I felt better. Adam was still asleep, breathing deep and steadily and I watched him for a few minutes. It was probably like seeing him 10 years ago I thought. He looked young and carefree, the gentle lines on his face smooth and peaceful. I tried to remember how he had looked in movies back then, but all I could see was him as he is now. I was very tempted to kiss him, but decided to let him sleep. For all I know he may have had as rough of a night as I did. I knew I wasn’t going to go back to sleep, so I decided I may as well get up.
I slowly crept out of the bed, trying really hard not to disturb him and grabbed a robe on the way to the bathroom. I was tempted to hop in the shower, but didn’t want to risk waking Adam so I wandered out to the kitchen to make some coffee and I found Lissa already there.
She had her lap top open and she was typing away at something. She had already made a pot of coffee and I saw it was ready. It smelled fragrant and I went over and got a cup out of the cabinet and poured a cup for myself and took it back to the table. The cream was already on the table and I poured a generous amount into my cup and thought of the delicious cappuccino that I drank in Italy and all I really wanted at that moment was to be back there, before all of the problems had happened.
Lissa finished what she was typing and looked up at me and I immediately saw that something was wrong. She was pale and her eyes had a strange, glassy look.
“Lissa,” I said, reaching out to touch her face to see if she had a fever. “What’s wrong? You don’t look well at all.” She didn’t feel as if she had a temperature, in fact she felt cold and clammy.
“I didn’t have a very good night. I felt sort of jittery and a little nauseous. Not sure what’s wrong. I do feel better now, so it seems to have passed,” she told me, taking a sip of her coffee and grimacing. “Maybe I shouldn’t be drinking this though,” as she got up and dumped the coffee into the sink.
“That’s weird, I felt a little strange before I went to bed last night myself and when I first woke up this morning, I was queasy. I had strange dreams, so I sort of put the nausea down to that. But maybe we had a bug?”
“That would usually be accompanied by a fever mom. I don’t know, but I’m glad it seems to have passed.”
“Yes, I’m feeling fine now. Are you up to making the drive home?”
“Um yeah, I’ll be fine I think. Is Adam feeling okay?” she inquired.
“As far as I know. He was still sleeping when I got up. Lissa, can I make you some toast or something?”
“Some toast might be good. I’m going to go jump in the shower, so hold off a few minutes before you make it, okay? Thanks Mom,” she said, stopping to throw her arms around my shoulders for a quick hug.
“Alright. I’ll give you 30 minutes, and then I’ll start it. I think while I’m waiting I’ll check my e-mail.”
We both left the kitchen, Lissa, heading to her room to get ready for the shower and me to the family room where the computer was. I turned it on and when it had booted, I signed onto the internet so I could check my mail.
I had a lot of junk again and after I deleted it all, I tossed around the idea of getting a different spam filter because this one definitely didn’t seem to be working.
I had another e-mail from Jason and I looked at it with dread. I didn’t want to open it and yet I knew I had to. Well, I didn’t have to, but I am an adult and running away from it won’t do any good. I reluctantly clicked on it to open it.
I keep trying to accept this new situation, really I do, but I just can’t help but feel you are rushing into something way too fast here. What do you really know about this guy anyway, apart from the fact that he’s famous I mean? You can’t know that much about him, what types of secrets from his past he hides and who he really is. You can’t even really know what he wants from you. Did you ever stop to think why he hooked up with you, when his usual girlfriends are like he is, famous and rich? Just pick up any tabloid and you’ll see it.
All I’m asking here is that you find out these things before you go any farther in this relationship and trust him too much. Please, just think about it?
His e-mail stunned me. I couldn’t believe he would say those things, in fact how dare he? And as far as the tabloid thing goes, you hardly ever see Adam in there. No, Jason didn’t know Adam, not at all. But a little voice inside me asked me if I really did either?
I heard Lissa getting out of the shower then and glanced at the time. The 30 minutes were almost up, so I logged off and went back into the kitchen to make her toast. I decided to deal with the e-mail later.
It was almost 8:00 by then and I peeked in at Adam and saw that he was out of bed, probably in the bathroom. I went over to the door to see if I could hear him in the shower and realized he was on the phone. I heard him say, “Yes, yes, I love you too and I can’t wait to see you. Soon, yes I promise.” And then, “No, I haven’t told her yet, but I will. Okay, goodbye.”
He must be talking to the boys again I thought, glad that he stayed in frequent contact with them. It made me feel a little less like I was taking him away from them.
I went back into the kitchen, deciding to start fixing breakfast, more than just some toast that is because I knew that Adam would be hungry. I was staring into the open fridge and frowning when Lissa said, “Does staring at it help?”
I picked up the eggs, trying to remember how long ago I bought them and wondering what on earth to fix if they were too old while Lissa stood there, staring over my shoulder
“No, I was just trying to figure out when I bought those eggs and if there was anything in there I can feed Adam. How do you feel, any better?”
“Well, the eggs are only a few days old because I bought them when I bought the bread and butter and fruit and veggies.” She looked at me and shrugged, “I just can’t handle that cafeteria food at the hospital mom. I had to have something to eat. And yes, I am feeling better. I think I want to have some breakfast.”
“Good. How about an omelet then? I think I see some mushrooms and green onions and a red pepper here. Is the cheese still good?” I asked, pulling everything out of the fridge I thought I would need. I grabbed the chopping board and handed it to Lissa with a knife and put her to work chopping veggies while I grated the cheese. I spotted a cantaloupe ripening on the counter and I decided we could eat that too. I didn’t have any meat to go with it and I hoped this would fill Adam up, or at least hold him off until we could shop later.
“Adam mentioned the cafeteria food too. Was it really bad?” I asked her.
“Pretty bad, or sad depending on your outlook,” she laughed.
I had the cheese grated and the eggs beaten and was heating the skillet to cook the omelet when Adam walked in. He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, lifting my hair off of my neck so he could kiss it. Tingles ran up and down my spine and I was really happy I didn’t have a knife in my hands right then, I might have chopped off a finger or something.
I turned around in his arms and hugged him then wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on tip-toes to kiss him. Stretching didn’t hurt too bad I decided and I realized that each day it was getting a little better.
Adam’s hair was still damp which made it very curly and he smelled wonderful. He had shaved and I nibbled on his jaw while I was at it rubbing my tongue over the velvety skin that was smooth and a little scratchy at the same time. He started chuckling at that and then said, “Good morning Bella.”
“Hi. Are you hungry?” I asked him, enjoying the warmth of him pressed up against me.
“Insatiable, as always, but breakfast sounds good too,” he whispered to me, caressing the outline my ear with his tongue.
Payback I suppose! But it sent tentacles of desire running wildly through my body.
“Do you think you can manage to make us some toast?” I asked him, pointing to the bread and getting butter out of the fridge. “And Lissa, will you cut up the melon please?”
With everyone busy at their individual tasks, I poured the eggs into the pan and started rotating it to spread the eggs. I added in the veggies and cheese and turned it down to cook until it was set. Meanwhile Adam was busy with the toast and Lissa had the melon cut up. Breakfast was looking and smelling good!
When it was all ready we sat down to eat and Lissa cautiously took small portions of everything. I explained to Adam that she hadn’t been feeling well and that I had a bit of a queasy stomach myself when I woke up, and asked Adam if he felt ill at all.
“No, I feel fine. Lissa, are you okay to drive to KC today?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine. I’m even a little bit hungry, so don’t hog the melon!” she teased.
Breakfast passed amiably and by the time we cleaned up, it was time for Lissa to get on the road back to KC. It’s about a 3 hour drive and it was 9:00, but that gave her enough time to stop and see Cassie quickly and get on the road in plenty of time for her tour at 2:00.
I hugged her and held on tight. I hated that she was leaving so soon, but I was also glad she had been able to stay this long. I tried to give her some money for gas and stuff, but she said she was fine. Miss independence as always, she would never admit that she needed help. So I did what any mother would do, I stuck $60.00 in her jacket pocket when she wasn’t paying attention! The household money I kept stashed away often came in handy, especially since I haven’t gotten to the bank yet.
Adam and I stood in the driveway, waving at her as she rolled slowly out of sight. I was still in my robe and I decided to go in and take a shower. Adam followed me inside and before I could get to the bedroom to get ready for my shower, he pulled me down onto his lap in the living room.
As he was nuzzling my neck, he told me “Ah, alone again!” His nuzzles turned to soft little kisses and light nibbles. When I felt his tongue come into play, I started squirming. I admit it, I just don’t know if I can handle it right now. I wanted him badly and I’m not too good at just turning it all off. Even when I haven’t had a man in my life, there was still plenty of interaction with one toy or another.
So here I was, sitting on his lap and all I could think of was how much I wanted and needed him. And couldn’t have him. This was like the time we spent in Italy before Firenza, except that now, I know what I am missing and boy, am I missing it plenty!
His kisses were wonderful, but I knew I had to escape soon, so I started edging my way off of his lap. He started giggling and holding onto me and I felt him murmur against my neck, “Aren’t you up to a nice bit of snogging?”
I couldn’t help it, I burst into laughter then. “What in the world is ‘snogging’?” I asked.
His smiled his dimple smile then, those delicious dimples! “Snogging is just what we’re doing, or at least what I’m attempting to do—a little kissing, a bit of nuzzling, and lots of snuggling!”
“I think I need to buy a British/American translation dictionary because sometimes I just don’t get what you are saying Adam.”
“I’d rather just teach you myself, it’s much less time-consuming and infinitely more satisfying, don’t you agree?” he responded, ‘snogging’ my neck and turning my insides to mush, wet mush actually. I was one big mushy pool of desire and I needed to escape quickly!
I could feel him beneath me, hard and pressing tightly against his jeans. I sighed and leaned my head against his shoulder for a moment. Immediately he asked if I were alright.
“Yes—well, no,” I stumbled over the words, trying to decide what to say. “Adam, I hate it that we can’t make love, and I feel horrible when we both get so, um, well…”
“Horny? How’s that word love?”
“Finally, a word I recognize,” I exaggerated. “Yes, Adam. Getting all twisted up like this just makes it harder, on both of us.”
“Sarah, every time we touch and get excited we are not going to be able to make love, for lots of different reasons. It’s just not possible because if it was, that is all we would ever do. Am I going to explode or anything from not sharing a physical release with you? No, even if the childish, petulant side of me thinks so. And even though we can’t make love for a bit, I am not going to stop touching or holding you. There isn’t enough space in this house to keep me from being aroused by you, whether we are touching or not, so frankly, I’d rather be able to reach out and touch you. The loving will resume and think of all the pent up frustration and desire we’ll have, it will be incredible, I promise you,” he told me, laughing softly.
“It’s just so tempting, you know? I don’t want to stop Adam!”
“Ah, the impatient woman I love! I don’t want to stop either Sarah, but stop we will, because we don’t want to risk hurting you and having your doctor angry with us. She looked like she could be rather fierce I think!”
“You’re right, she can chew a person out better than anyone I know and she does it in such a sweet way you feel rotten by the time she’s done!” I sat there on his lap for a minute more, running my fingers through his curls. He had a little bit of grey going on at his temples, but it looked really good on him. I leaned down and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. I felt his tongue venture into my mouth and I just decided to surrender, what’s a little more frustration?
He kissed my deeply and thoroughly and it set my nerves on fire. I hadn’t felt this since Venezia and I let myself get lost in his kiss. His mouth moved seductively against mine, and he nibbled teasingly along my lower lip and I shivered as my belly contracted with desire.
Finally I couldn’t take anymore and so I pulled myself away from him, my lips feeling cold and bereft without his on them. My heart was pounding furiously in my chest and I was wet and aching for him. “I need to go take a shower Adam,” I told him, apologetically.
“Alright love. Enjoy your shower and I’ll see you soon! I’m going to see if I can find a locksmith to come out today.” he answered quietly, sneaking one last, final kiss. He helped me up from his lap and I padded off to the bathroom, marveling over him. I’ve literally never known a man like him, so tender and caring. He puts up with my moods and ill temper and still wants to be with me.
That’s not to say there aren’t lots of guys out there like him, it’s just I’ve never run across one before. I’ve dated some nice guys, really, but he surpasses them all.
I decided to call Cassie before I got into the shower since it didn’t look like we’d have time to stop and visit later. She was kind of slow to answer the phone and I was getting ready to hang up when I heard her voice on the other end.
“Hello Cass! How are you today?”
“Not bad. I thought I’d be lazy and just lay around today. And I even think I’ll hang around here for another day or two, they have really good room service you know,” she giggled.
I smiled at her words, but even though they were spoken with a light tone, I know they had to hurt her—they certainly hurt me. I had a brief image of her there in the hospital bed and I felt hot tears sting my eyes. I cleared my throat before speaking, trying to stall for a bit of time.
“Not to mention a certain Doctor?”
She was quiet for a moment before replying, “Oh him? He comes with the room service you know.”
“Um yes, well I can tell it really bums you out when he comes to check on you. Incidentally, he seems very nice. Did Lissa get up there to see you?”
“Yeah, actually she left just a minute ago. You know something Sarah? We did a really, really good job with that girl! Well, actually both of them!”
I laughed then, leave it to Cassie to act like the proud parent, but then again, she was the best substitute mom any kid could have had. I couldn’t have made it though so many tough years without her. “You don’t say? Yes, they are both something special, aren’t they?” Pictures of all of us through the years played though my mind for a moment, so many happy times. So many proud times and Cass was always there with us. The sister I never had, a sister of the heart, chosen because of her ability to love and share, good things and bad.
These were certainly the bad. Now it was my turn to be there for her again, an obligation I didn’t take lightly.
“What now? You have that ‘weepy’ tone in your voice. Don’t go getting all mushy on me you big ole sentimental goof!”
“I just wanted to tell you I don’t think we’ll get up to see you today, I’ve got to go the bank and get my new license and stuff. And Adam is trying to get a locksmith out here to change the locks.”
“Wonderful, I’m glad he’s doing that. Sarah, it does need to be done you know.”
“Yeah, I suppose. So, I guess I’ll get off here and go climb into the shower so we can go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I love you Cassie!”
“Yeah, yeah, I love you too! Bye.”
I thought I heard a catch in her voice as she hung up, but I wasn’t sure.
When I got into the bathroom, I decided on a bubble bath instead of a shower. I felt like indulging myself a little bit and nothing does that better as far as I’m concerned as a bath. I started the taps running and poured in the bubble bath and thought to myself that the only thing missing from this perfect bath was Adam.
Memories from the tub in Firenza leaped into my mind and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was flushed and my nipples were hard. Desire flowed through my body like quicksilver, making my blood race through my veins and my heartbeat quicken. With a sigh I stepped into the tub, down into the warm bubbly water and tried to focus on the things I needed to do today.
I needed to call my credit card companies, even though Lissa had contacted them quickly after the accident. I thought as well about the bank and getting a new driver’s license. I’d like to get it all done today if I could and we also needed to get to the grocery store; I didn’t have nearly enough food to feed Adam!
With so much on my mind I didn’t linger nearly as long as I would normally have, but that was good; it also kept my mind off of Adam in the bath tub in Firenza, making passionate love with me!
I sighed as I finished washing, a deep sigh that was more relaxed than I thought it would be and so I climbed out of the warm water and started drying off. I looked again at myself in the mirror and thought it was ridiculous that I had laid there in the hospital bed for four days, without eating any thing and it didn’t look like I had lost any weight at all!
As I dried off, I gingerly touched my ribs, feeling them for any tenderness and they felt amazingly good. If I pushed firmly, I could still feel the bruising, but otherwise they seemed good. I could raise my arms without too much discomfort as well. I had to go see Dr. Crandal tomorrow and I hoped that she would release me, or allow me to have sex anyway.
Please, let me be able to have sex!!!
When I went into the bedroom to dress, Adam was on the phone and it sounded like he was talking to a locksmith, judging by the questions he was answering. I had almost forgotten about the locks. I wondered if it was really necessary to change them. It had been 7 days now since the accident; it seems like we would have had trouble by now if someone was going to break in.
Adam laid the phone down for a moment and told me that they could come at 4:00 p.m. today and was that okay with me? I thought about what I wanted to get done today and decided we could probably get most of it done by then. I could call the credit card companies while the locksmith was here so I told him yes, that would work fine.
I started looking for something to wear while Adam finished the call. I pulled an old, comfortable pair of jeans out of the closet along with a cream colored crocheted sweater and then started digging for undies in my lingerie chest. I found some lacy cream colored ones that would go well and slipped the panties on before putting the bra on.
This was the first real bra I had worn since I had been home. Even last night, I had worn a sweater which was pretty loose so I could wear a soft sports bra, which felt okay. But the second I hooked the under wire bra, I knew I was in trouble.
One of the reasons I wear under wire bras is that they hold you firmly around your ribs, the under wire giving you shape and definition. This felt like torture and I couldn’t get it off fast enough.
Adam saw the pained look on my face and asked me what was wrong. “Are you alright Bella?” he asked me, concern clearly present in his voice and on his face.
“No, not exactly. It’s just, I guess I’m not ready for a bra yet, at least not one like that. Damn, I was just telling myself in the bathroom that my ribs were so much better!”
Adam immediately discerned the reason behind the comment and said nothing. In fact he turned away and I was pretty sure I knew why—he was smiling I’d bet!
I reluctantly pulled on the sports bra again, but I hated how the sweater looked with it, so I found a sweatshirt to pull on.
Great, I’m going to have my driver’s license picture taken like this!
I told Adam what I wanted to do, get to the bank because I needed to get my accounts straightened out and changed and then go get my driver’s license before going to the store for groceries.
I was in the bathroom putting on some lipstick and brushing my hair when Adam walked in—at least I think it was Adam. This guy had on a baseball hat, worn backwards and a pair of aviator sunglasses. He looked kind of sexy really, but if I didn’t know it was him, I might not have known. Which was the point he said.
We left and actually made good time, even getting to the grocery store by 2:30. I went to pick up some sushi for dinner, then remembering at the last minute to ask him if he like it. He nodded yes, so I picked up California Roll and Spicy Tuna and we took it and the other groceries to the check out. Adam started to reach for his wallet, but I had gotten cash from the bank and told him I was buying the groceries.
I guess people don’t do that too much around him because he looked kind of surprised, but then just shrugged and let me pay. The young woman at the check out was looking at him intensely, but he wisely didn’t say a word, because his voice would have been a dead giveaway. Not too many British accents around Wichita.
It was all over the local news that he was in town and so far we hadn’t had any problems, but as we were walking out with the groceries I teased him about not speaking much in there.
“Why don’t you do an American accent, and throw them all off?” I laughed.
“You mean like this? Or maybe a southern drawl? Which do you prefer?” he teased me. He was good, I mean really, really good. He could have been a good ole boy from the country! Amazing I thought!
“Okay, you win. You’re pretty good cowboy. And you don’t talk too bad either!”
He unlocked the car and put the groceries into the back seat then bent down to kiss me. These small, ordinary gestures were wonderful. Like him holding my hand in the store and picking out the ice cream he wanted.
Kind of like a real couple.
The locksmith got there as we were just finishing putting the groceries away. Adam had told me that he was having an electronic lock system put in, which seemed kind of silly, but it’s what he felt was better so I let him go ahead and have it installed. It was actually simpler than I thought it would be, even though the back door would use a different code from the front door. Adam also purchased a monitoring package to go with the locks. In other words, if someone tries to get in and punched in an incorrect code and then didn’t enter the code to signal that they knew they had made a mistake, the alarm company would immediately call us to find out what was going on. I anticipated talking to them frequently! But the locks were the sturdy, heavy deadbolt kind and I liked them when they were done. I told Adam that and he looked at me with his dimples grin and then kissed me, before playing with them some more. Men! I thought, rolling my eyes.
We planned to have a quiet evening, so I got our sushi out and set it and the plates on the table in the breakfast nook. It was almost 6:30 and the evening stretched ahead of us, I thought with a resigned sigh.
How on earth would we get through another night?
Adams phone rang right as we were getting ready to sit down to eat, and he pulled it out and looked at it, exclaiming, “It’s the boys. I won’t be too long.”
He chatted with the boys as I finished putting things on the table, soy sauce, wasabi, the pickled ginger, and all the things that make sushi such a treat for me. I poured a glass of iced tea for myself and noted I would need to make some more later. I pointed to the tea and wordlessly queried Adam if he wanted any and he shook his head no and pointed to some Coke in the fridge that we had bought. Diet Coke actually I thought as I grabbed a can and popped it open for him.
I thought to myself again that it was wonderful the way he talked with the boys frequently, remembering the call this morning. Sometimes phones are a huge pain in the ass, but when they do things like let your kids call to tell you that they are home safely, as Lissa had earlier, they are wonderful.
Adam told the boys he would be seeing them next week and ended the call then and we started eating our sushi.
To me, sushi is a treat for the eyes as well as the mouth, the colors and textures looking beautiful on my Japanese plates. They are specifically designed to serve sushi, having a small plate to hold the pieces and small cups to hold the wasabi, ginger and soy sauce. The set even included matching chop sticks, which I used, but I knew that Adam wouldn’t.
He did try, but he couldn’t hold onto the piece of sushi and dip it into the soy sauce without dropping it. I laughed at him, more than I should have probably, but it was such a funny sight, watching him make silly faces as he concentrated on trying to maneuver the sushi into the sauce without either squeezing it so hard it broke apart or just dropping it. I picked up a piece of my sushi and held it up to Adam to eat. He accepted and chewed it slowly, then smiled an especially sexy smile at me and licked his lips.
He is pushing this all so far and I didn’t know how long I could hold out!
“How nice that you got to speak to the boys twice today,” I told him after chewing a bite of the sushi. I love the clean taste of soy and the wasabi together, it made my tongue tingle.
“What?” he asked. “I haven’t spoken with them today.”
I watched him drop a piece of sushi into the soy sauce, and then grumble as he had to pick it out with his fingers. It broke apart, pieces of rice floating in the soy sauce.
The conversation I heard this morning was streaking through my mind.
“Yes, yes, I love you too and I can’t wait to see you. Soon, yes I promise. No, I haven’t told her yet, but I will. Okay, goodbye.”
So who was he talking to?