Friday, October 13, 2006
Decisions to Make
Adam was very quiet in the car on the way back to the hotel. When we got there he shut the ignition off and turned to look at me. “Will you have a cup of coffee with me before you go up? We can make plans for tomorrow and talk about some other things that are on my mind,” he said.
I looked at him, trying to decipher what was on his mind but I really didn’t have a clue. I mean, a hundred different thoughts flipped through my mind like a runaway Rolodex, but my imagination often times gets me into real trouble, so I decided it would be better to just wait to hear what he has to say.
Does he not want to see me anymore? Have I done something wrong? What’s up?
He got out of the car and came around to open my door. Lots of guys don’t do that anymore and I really appreciate it. My daughter tells me that is an old fashioned attitude, but I don’t care. It makes me feel cared about and that a man sees me as special.
As we walked toward the hotel, Adam placed his arm around me. Adrenaline started flying through my system again, making me feel giddy and my knees feel weak; a heady feeling, yet very unsettling.
We entered the hotel and headed to the bar. Adam ordered latte and I ordered hot chocolate. We waited for them, and then took them to a table in a corner to sit and talk. The bar was pretty deserted and there was only 1 other person there sitting at a table. She was reading a newspaper and didn’t seem to notice us as we walked by her.
After we got settled at the table, Adam seemed a little hesitant to speak. Since I didn’t have a clue what was on his mind, I just waited for him to speak, feeling a bit impatient to get to it, whatever it was.
He was stirring his latte with the tiny little spoon that came with the cup, then put it down and took a small, cautious sip. I did the same with my hot chocolate which was rich and creamy, a much more intense chocolate than American hot chocolate.
Adam put his cup down and played with the handle a moment more then finally said “I need to be at the set by 8:00 am. I know that’s rather early, but we can have something to eat at the set, they will have food there. Does that sound okay?” he asked.
“Sounds okay, exciting in fact,” I told him. “But, are you sure you want me to go?” I probed. “You seem, I don’t know, a little uncertain about things Adam, or at least like something is wrong. What’s going on?”
“I,” he swallowed, and then cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk with you about what is happening with us, uh, you and me. This... I enjoy being with you very much, but time is going by so fast, it just seems as if we don’t have any time to continue to get to know each other.” We looked at one another then, both of us wondering what the other was thinking.
Finally, he let out a long breath, which I hadn’t even realized he had been holding and continued, “I want to get to know you Sarah, very much. Do you feel that way about me?” he asked me, looking at me again, looking at me quite intently in fact.
I was elated but what I couldn’t really figure out was why this would be that important to him. I mean, it’s important to me, but look at the life he leads—he could have anyone in his life. I’d be silly to assume that I was important to him in any way, and yet, that’s what it seemed like he was trying to tell me.
“Yes,” I began tentatively, trying to carefully choose my words. “I like you very much Adam, but the truth is, I’ve been trying to tell myself to not build any expectations, that this has been wonderful but I keep wondering how on earth there could be anything more than these few days. I find it impossible to imagine,” I said quietly. I think my voice betrayed more of my emotions than I wanted them to and I didn’t know if that was good or bad. I had both of my hands on the table, playing nervously with the little spoons which was silly, but at least it gave me something to do with my hands.
He reached out and held both of my hands between his larger ones. His hands felt warm and he rubbed mine gently and told me “Don’t you see, this is our starting place. Now we have to decide what to do with it,” he said watching me intently, brown eyes probing hazel ones.
It’s amazing how much you can convey with your eyes. In Adams I saw hope, a little fear too maybe, but there was also a gleam of liberation in them, probably from actually having told me what was on his mind.
“I usually move so slow at these kinds of things Adam,” I began. “I’m not even sure what we need to do, should do...” I trailed off. My heart was pounding, whether from excitement or fear I was unsure.
“Well, how about spending more days together here? You are here for 8 more days, right?” he asked. "What do you plan to do?"
“Yes, 8 more days. I want to go to Pisa and Florence while I’m here. I visited them when I lived here and I would like to see them again.”
“Have you made plans or reservations or anything yet?.”
“No, I thought I’d just catch the train and go,” I laughed sheepishly. “You know, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants!”
“Alright then, how about we drive down,” he asked. “I know a wonderful place in Firenza to stay, sort of little cottages, very private. Have you ever been to Tirrenia? It’s on the Mediterranean coast, it's a small village that is quite beautiful,” he said. He was beginning to get excited and I couldn’t help but feel that way too. I loved how when he spoke about Italian cities he used the Italian name for them. I used to do that when I lived here, but I’ve unfortunately become lazy. I will try to use the proper names from now on I promised myself.
“No, I’ve never been to Tirrenia. To see all those places will take some time though. Don’t you want to go see your boys?” I inquired. I definitely did not want to stop him from seeing them.
“I was going to go to England for a week or so before I went to visit them, and that isn’t important at all. I want to do this Sarah.”
He continued when he saw me nod my head in acceptance. “We could spend one night in Pisa, then another in Tirrenia and go to Firenza from there. The place in Firenza is amazing and we can see the museums there and sight see all you like. If we stay there for 3 days, then we can go back to Venezia for the last days. That is where you are flying home from, isn’t it?”
“Yes, I’ll be flying home from Marco Polo International,” I told him with a smile. I smiled every time I thought about an airport called Marco Polo.
“Wonderful. I’ll have the set assistant make the reservations tomorrow,” he eagerly told me.
“How will the set assistant feel about that,” I giggled.
“The other name used for set assistants is ‘gopher’,” he told me. “They are used to that!”
I sort of inwardly grinned at that. He is so used to that world, just asking for something and getting it. Not quite like the rest of us, who struggle to make ends meet, and just get through our days with as little drama as possible.
Adam was more different from me than I realized at first. He decides what he wants and goes after it, taking for granted that there are doors open for him that the rest of us can’t even see. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, really just circumstance, but it made me think about how this will go for us. It was obvious to me that he had been thinking about all of this. While it was rather spur-of-the-moment, he had put some thought into it. I smiled and decided I felt good about this decision. It gave us a chance to see what develops or doesn’t between us and I was thankful for the opportunity.
“I can’t wait,” I said, giving his hand a squeeze.
We finished our drinks and went to the elevator to go up to my room. At my door, we stared at one another, aware as ever of our decision and of the sexual tension between us. He was clearly taking his lead from me I thought as he played with a strand of my hair, then cupped my face with his hands and bent to kiss me.
Our bodies melded together as if born to be that way. Even though he must be about 6’1 and I’m 5’5, everything fit where it should. Arms entwined, I let myself go with this kiss and enjoyed the taste and feel of him. Our shared kisses were like wine, intoxicating and left us desiring more.
I wanted him—badly. But it still seemed too soon to fall into bed with him. Why, oh why can’t I be one of those women who can do this so easily, just give into the moment I wondered? My body was aching for release, I needed to feel him inside me and he wanted to be there. The evidence of that was pushing against my tummy.
His hands were moving on my back, rubbing up and down and finally slid down to cup the curves of my bottom, massaging enticingly. He groaned against my mouth and pulled me closer to him, pressing himself tightly against me. I couldn’t help but move my hips against him, wanting to be so much closer. I was throbbing and wet and very close to orgasm and he wasn’t even touching me!
He slid his mouth down across my jaw, nibbling as he went and started to do incredible things to my neck with his lips and tongue. His mouth felt hot and wet as it kissed and licked its way down over my collar bone and then my bare shoulder, biting me enticingly there, before following the same journey back up to my lips.
The kiss went on and on and I knew we had to move apart soon, or move into the hotel room. I just didn’t know if I could do either of them. Luckily, there had been no one in the hallway of the hotel, which would have been terribly embarrassing.
I swear Adam must be psychic because he slowly disentangled himself from me and for good measure took a step back away. “I think I had better go,” he said softly to me.
At least that’s what his lips said, those incredibly sexy lips. But his body was telling me something completely different I thought as I looked down at the obvious hard-on he had. I nervously licked my swollen lips and realized the decision was out of my hands now, but why didn’t I feel better about it?
He took another step back, as if he couldn’t trust himself. “You’re not ready for this. WE are not ready for this,” he finished apologetically. “I’ll pick you up in the morning at 7:30, okay?”
I nodded wordlessly, unable to speak actually. I think my mouth was probably hanging open a mile. He smiled a final time and instead of the elevator, he headed for the stairs. I was on the 5th floor. Maybe he needed the time to get himself together I thought.
I know I did!