But I Don’t Wanna…
The past couple of weeks have flown by, let me tell you. Every day I stop and stare at the picture of our baby. We did the cliché thing and hung it on the refrigerator, but we do see it often there I’ll admit! I often stop and trace the outline of our baby with the tip of my finger, anxious to hold it in my arms!
All the family finally left to go back to their respective homes; the house seems empty and I must admit a little bit barren. I love them all so much and the only sad thing about my life here is that they aren’t here. I have such a wonderful support system around me, I’m lucky in that and I know that many of them will be back for the birth but it was still hard to see them go.
We spent time getting to know Daniel and he is just the best baby! Much like Derek he eats well, sleeps well and is growing like the perpetual weed. I watched Adam with him and loved how comfortable he is with him whether he’s feeding him, holding him or singing him a lullaby. It bodes well for our child I think, to have such a loving and caring man to be his or her father.
The hardest thing to do was to see Cassie go; I felt like we were finally having an opportunity to reconnect after the accident. She and Georgio were heading back to Greece, it seems like there was some sort of family thing going on there and he was needed so we said goodbye at LAX, both of us blinking back tears.
My morning sickness is finally getting better and I am thrilled about that! Unfortunately though, smells are still making me queasy, but it does pass quickly. I can think something like bacon smells horrible one moment; I’m convinced that it is bad but the next I can eat it like a champion! Adam just laughs and shakes his head in amazement at it all.
He tries so hard to be thoughtful and helpful and I appreciate that, I really do. But, and there really is a but here, when I’m sick he really needs to back off. I am not comforted by his standing there next to me when I’m barfing in the toilet. It’s not a pretty picture and I think very few women would appreciate his hovering. Oh well, we are both learning I guess.
This morning at breakfast he seemed a bit nervous. He was sipping his coffee, which he had offered to give up since I couldn’t have any, but I’d told him that both of us didn’t need to suffer! Anyway, he finally cleared his throat and said hesitantly, “Sarah, we need to talk about the house.”
My heart skipped a beat; I knew this discussion would be coming sooner or later and I had been dreading it. Obviously by the way he was so reticent, so was he. I finally nodded and said, “Yeah, I know Adam.”
“I – I know you don’t want to give this house up, I do, but it just isn’t practical. We need to find a new one, or build one.” He sat his coffee mug down and looked at me as I was eating my melon. “Do you have any preferences? I mean, what type of house or where you want to live or anything? I’m thinking at least five bedrooms, six would be better don’t you think, for when family is visiting?”
I looked around this house that was so dear to me and sighed – I loved this house but he was right, we had to have more room. I finally answered, “I don’t know, I’m not even sure where to start answering those questions.”
“Well, what do you love about this house? Let’s start there,” he asked.
“I love everything about it; it’s where I found myself, where my new life began, Adam. It is tearing my heart out to think of leaving it.”
He smiled at me then and I knew he understood. “Okay then, I understand that. Why don’t we keep it; we can use it for weekend getaways or such?”
“I love that idea!” Suddenly it didn’t feel so bad any more. “Now, what do I love about it in particular? I love watching the sun set over the ocean and the warm, salty breeze that blows in through the windows.”
“Okay, by the ocean then! See, we have a start, bella!”